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Café Bouef script
Saturday, December 31, 2006
Listen
Garrison Keillor: Our show is brought to you by the Cafe Boeuf Nashville with your host, Armand the maitre'd.
GK: Bonjour, Armand.
Tim Russell: What did you say?
GK: Bonjour.
TR: Something about insurance?
GK: It was nothing. What are your specials tonight, Armand?
TR: Tonight we have the (FRENCH GIBBERISH) and we have the (GIBBERISH) and finally we have the (GIBBERISH) (FRENCH DELIGHT, LIP SMACKING, CHUCKLES).
GK: I'd like the (HE REPEATS ONE).
TR: You want me to pick you up at the bus station?
GK: No, no...
TR: You and my wife?
GK: No, no...
TR: What are you doing in the bus station with my wife, monsieur?
GK: I didn't say that, I said, (HE TRIES AGAIN)...
TR: My brother has eaten his shoe and he has an onion up his nose?
GK: I'm sorry, my accent is poor.
TR: And my dog passes gas?
GK: What was the second special you mentioned?
TR: (HE REPEATS THE SECOND)...
GK: What is it? Does it involve the internal organs of large animals?
TR: Oui, monsieur.
GK: Then I don't want to know. Put extra sauce on it, okay?
TR: Tres bien.
GK: And French fries.
TR: Monsieur, all of the potatoes are French potatoes.
TR: Whether we fry them or boil them or mash them, they are French. You do not need to say French fries. Of course they are French.
GK: I'm sure. There's a French saying that I think of on New Year's Eve —(TR FRENCH) — no, that's not the right saying — (TR FRENCH QUESTION) no, it's about change— (TR LONG FRENCH DECLAMATION) — no, it's the one that says, "The more things change, the more they stay the same" — (TR FRENCH: "Plus c'est la meme chose, plus ça change") right.
(TR FRENCH): It doesn't mean "The more things change, the more they stay the same"? (TR FRENCH NIGGLING)
GK: "The more things remain, the more they change"? (TR FRENCH FRUSTRATION—"SO HARD TO TRANSLATE") "Different things are pretty much alike"? (TR FRENCH NON NON NON NON) "We're not as different as we used to be when we were similar"?
Anyway— A message from the Cafe Boeuf. Even here on the frozen tundra, the spirit of La Belle France lives on at the Café Boeuf. (KNOWING FRENCH LAUGH)—
(PLAYOFF)
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