A Prairie Home Companion: November 22, 2003

Butter
Saturday, November 22, 2003
Listen

…….right after this message. (BLEAK PIANO)

SS (OLD LADY): I want you and your family to do exactly as you wish and if you'd rather not come for Thanksgiving, I understand ---I don't want anyone to come because they think they have to on my account ----

SS: Mother, please----

SS (OLD LADY): I would rather have Thanksgiving all by myself than spend it with people who felt pressured to be there ------

SS: Mother, all I said was----

SS (OLD LADY): I would rather sit here alone in the kitchen and eat a frozen turkey dinner than be with people who don't want to be here with me-----

SS: Oh Mother-----

SS (OLD LADY): Maybe I should just sell the house and move into the Good Shepherd home rather than force my children to drive all the way across town to be with me against their will -----

SS (WEEPY): Mother----

SS (OLD LADY): I'll go to the Home and I'll make friends there and you won't have to bother with me anymore.

SS (WEEPY): Mom-----

SS (OLD LADY): But if you do come, would you mind picking up a couple pounds of butter? (MUSIC UP, JOYFUL)

GK: Yes----- the secret of a happy Thanksgiving is butter. Whether you're serving tofu or turkey, make sure to use plenty of butter. (SFX) Baste regularly with a big brush (SFX). Inject melted butter with a butter gun. (SFX) And before serving, put a few pats of butter on top. (PLOPS) It's the secret of every great cuisine. (TR FRENCH) No matter what country you're from, butter is the passport to pleasure. (TR ARABIC) Everybody's a little cranky around the holidays (TR GLOOMY SWEDE) but you slip a little butter into the crankcase and it's Buon Giorno time (TR ECSTATIC ITALIAN). Be happy ---- use butter. (BIG PIANO CHORDS)