A Prairie Home Companion with Garrison Keillor

Gary:

Your name has always fascinated me. I've often wondered why you were named after a dam in North Dakota and why your last name is misspelled. Anyway, I practically never hear your show anymore. It's broadcast twice here, but I miss the Saturday version because Miss Betty and I usually spend those two hours sitting around trying to think of fart jokes. I've never thought of one. I did feel one coming on once, but it passed.

Then, on Sunday, I'm usually on my way to Reno to visit my money. You usually fade out somewhere east of Sacramento, so I'm screwed there, too, faced with listening to Randy Newman tapes till I see the first snowbank, at which time I turn around and go home, loathing, as I do, snow, whether it's in a bank or under the mattress.

So why am I writing if I never hear the show and I have no ideas?

Tomorrow (which will be today in 10 minutes) I have to go in for a cardiac catheterization. The release form I signed warned of all kinds of possible dire consequences, not the least of which is death. Now, I've never been afraid of dying -- I think it could be romantic and possibly even inspire some people I know to say fonder things to me than Norwegians normally want to say out loud -- but it's the part that comes right after dying (death), that I've always felt would be really, really boring. So I'd rather avoid it if I could.

If I can't, then this is just about my last opportunity to write and tell you that the show is not too shabby. I've definitely heard worse. So that there's a compliment.

Evertheless, if all goes swimmingly tomorrow (oops, tomorrow is now today), I'll start listening to your show and probably even tell you how to make it mo better. In fact, I can give you the short version of that now: Funny is good. Funnier is better. Funniest is best.

Meanwhile, I look forward to your spoof on "Fargo." Do a decent spoof of "Fargo" and, for 15 minutes, your name will become a household name, like chicken chow mein or chili dogs. (Um, Fargo, Fargo, le's see, how 'bout "Key Fargo," starring Rumply Hobart . . . no, no how 'bout "Forego" . . . nope, no, that's crappy, okay, how 'bout "Margo Does Fargo" . . . now, prolly suggestive, so how 'bout . . . ?)

Later, Massa.

--harley

Dear Harley ----

Good luck on the catheterization and hope that it didn't have dire consequences for you. What was it like to have your heart touched? I'd like to know. Sorry you don't care for snow. We have a woods full of it at my place and love to walk over it on snowshoes and look at it, holding a glass of red wine, which is good for your heart, and a piece of fried chicken, which helps to break the fall of the wine. GK